Enterprise-grade illusions of protection that make you feel invincible while being completely vulnerable
Get Compromised TodayWe'll needlessly punish and antagonize your average employees with increasingly obvious phishing tests while completely ignoring administrator staff who have actual access to critical systems. Our 99.7% employee demoralization rate speaks for itself!
Why secure your cryptographic keys when you can share them with everyone? Our pre-compromised Hardware Security Modules come with built-in backdoors and we'll even throw in the private keys printed on business cards for easy distribution.
Our advanced machine learning algorithms are trained to ignore 99.9% of security threats, ensuring your team never gets distracted by false alarms. We guarantee you'll never know you've been breached until it's on the evening news!